26.7.10

Wind of change

There are nights that I spend worrying. I fret and turn and nothing helps. This is the period of my life that I rally do not like. Future is so uncertain and I am not young any more to embrace this uncertainty. When you are very young, you never think, actively think, that one day you are going to be old or older. There is no time for such thoughts, you are too busy with everyday life. Which is good. Now I do not wish to think about future because it is not going to be nice. And that is not good or rational, I know. When I do think about it, then I spend sleepless nights and hazy days follow. Which is not good either. What is the best way to look positively into the future? Real future that, somehow, I dread? Is there the best way or just the best way to avoid pain and unhappiness in advance? I do not want platitudes, but what is there to put me at ease? Maybe I am not able to see the obvious and maybe there is really nothing to be seen. In short: I am afraid, for the first time, of the future.