14.4.10

Spring like before

Today, walking through the park near my former high school I suddenly realized that this is the April day like it used to be a long time ago. We had a very long and cold winter and everybody is fed up with cold, so we bitch about cold and rainy spring. But we are wrong about it being unusually cold, cloudy and rainy. With unbelievable clarity I remember the exact same weather many, many Aprils ago. Partly cloudy days, with sudden rain storms or sunshine bouts. Rather cold. Last few years we got used to really worm weather in early spring and said it was unusual, too warm, not good. Now, we are not happy with this perfectly normal spring weather. Because of that, until today, I have almost missed the beauty of the vividly green, tender, young tree leaves, of the modest spring flowers and merry bird cacophony . Around my house birds are singing like crazy from the sunrise to the sunset. And I love the fresh, earthy smell of the air. Spring, just like it used to be, is here!

10.4.10

An insult

Long time ago, in a hired limousine, on my way to the airport, a man insulted me. At the time, I did not understand it. I did not care. I was in love with him. Today I see him very clearly, but then I was on the verge of leaving everything behind  me to be with him. And I do mean everything. Today I loathe him  like I ought loathed him then. Today I see very clearly that he was not worthy. I still remember, oh so vividly, how I laid , naked, and fetus like, on the floor of my bedroom , crying like never before. Oh, how silly and stupid and over felt of me. And for that, I hold him responsible: for making me so silly and übersspant!