16.2.10

My sister, myself

I have a younger sister, yet I am an only child. She is much younger and has never, ever behaved like a sister to me. Of, course, I had been very jealous of her for some 20 years.Then, I simply stopped because, finally and painfully, I realised that my parents are going to favour her no matter what. I was powerless and could do nothing about it. So I had decided that I should do with the love I have inmy family. Since then, I feel better , but there are still times and occasions which throw me back to feeling stupid, betrayed and angry. Angry at myself. Few years ago I realised that my sister thought that she was my parents’ pet because of her wonderful or exceptional personality. She expected the world to behave so : everybody should, if not love her, at least like her enough to do as she desires. I was stupefied. I was surprised and couldn’t believe that a mature person can entertain such ridiculous notions. Stupid me. When she got seriously sick, I was shocked; I even made some private wows of which I am not sure I can keep up. I cried for months. I didn’t want to lose her. I still don’t. She doesn’t like me, she is jealous of me (I cannot fathom why, but jealousy is not a rational feeling, they say), she is mean to me…………..We may not see each other or speak to each other, but I still love her. I am in a bind, in a place I do not like to be. Nothing is simple and love does not “overcome it all”.

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